


Life When You're Gone

by softsocks (orphan_account)



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 01:55:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/softsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan isnt around anymore, and it is taking its toll on Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life When You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

> PHAN. AU. Sadness and love. I do not own Dan or Phil, or Winnie The Pooh. One Shot

Why did he have to go? We were having such a good time together; we had our whole life planned out. And now, I have nothing. No clue as to what I'm going to do without him, what I can achieve in my life now that he isn't there to help me. He was healthy, he looked after himself. Yes he complained about the stairs and he was on the internet a lot, but he was still pretty fit for his age. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to get sick? He had an 80% chance, an 80% chance to live. But that stupid sickness had to take over him, his body, his mind. His life.

We used to play video games, and snuggle up on the couch watching movies together. We would plan videos, the radio show, things for friends, parties, everything. Together. I'm not doing the radio show anymore, everyone understands though. I would have loved to keep it going, but I just couldn't. Not without him, it wouldn't be the same. All the fans found out, I had to tell them. It wasn't right to keep them in the dark about it. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I was flooded with tweets, emails, YouTube comments. All filled with love, support and condolences. I stopped making videos after that.

At his funeral, I had to make a speech. I didn't get one word out before my eyes were filled with tears. I managed to get through the speech, and the funeral, and the wake. That night when I got home, I had a breakdown. I went into his room and started to throw things around. Pillows hit the wall, books hit the door. When I was done, I grabbed one of his hoodies from his wardrobe, climbed into his bed and wrapped myself in his duvet. I breathed in his scent and let the tears fall. I sat there, sobbing at first, and then silently crying, not able to stop. My whole body ached, my eyes were red and sore from crying and tiredness and my heart ached at the loss of my love.

My friends and family were very supportive. They came over to help me clean up the house; no one touched his things though. They were to be left the same until his will was read out. Pj and Chris were on speed dial, they promised that they would come over if I called no matter what. Carrie bought groceries and a meal each week, making sure I ate.

Even his family was supportive. Their son had just died and yet they were still there for me. They knew how much I loved him, and how much he loved me. I tried to be there for them, while they were here. They were going to leave after his will was sorted out.

A few weeks after his funeral, it was Valentine's Day. I went out and bought a box of Maltesers and a bunch of flowers, and sat by his grave. I placed the flowers down and had a picnic with him. I cried over his grave, but they were soon washed away by the thunderstorm above. It was pretty ironic, he used to love thunderstorms. He would drag me to the window, and we would have raindrop races.

I went home, and watched Game of Thrones, imagining him sitting next to me. That night was particularly hard. We used to have such fun Valentine Day's. That wouldn't happen anymore. I don't think, no, I know I won't find anyone else like him. I will just get through life with my friends and family. I want to make him proud. I wonder if he is watching over me. I hope he is, but I hope he isn't as well. I want him to see me happy, not sad like this. So, I made a decision. I'm not going to be sad and mopey anymore. I am going to go out and do stuff, live my life, live his life for him. I won't forget him, or the impact he had on all those around him, including me.

I visit his grave every day, telling him what happened, that I miss him. That I love him. I make sure there are always fresh flowers on his grave, and I placed a little plush totoro and a plush llama there to.

After about three weeks, his family called me to say the will was ready to be read out. I jumped up out of bed, got ready, and went to see what he had written. His Mum and Dad got some things, family stuff, as was expected. Then it came to what he left me.

"To Phil, I leave my games, movies, music. My clothes, I know how much you loved them. My straightener and anything else he feels is of importance or wants."

"There is also a letter for you Phil."

"Thank you sir, I think I will read it when I get home."

"Fair enough."

I said goodbye to his parents. They were coming over to collect his things tomorrow, and headed home. I heated up some pasta, made a coffee, and went to his room. I snuggled into his duvet and started to read his letter.

Dearest Phil.

Wow, I hoped to never write this. As you know, I was very sick, and now, unfortunately, I have passed away. I will be looking down at you, I promise. I hope you never forget me, but I also hope you live your life the way you would if I was still here. I love you so much, more than I think you even know. Please don't be sad for too long, I want you to be happy, to show your tongue poking out when you smile so beautifully. The day I met you, and from then on, have been the best days of my life. And I have loved you that whole time. We had so much fun together, whether we were filming a video, or just playing video games. The important thing to me was that I was doing it with you. There are a few quotes that are quite inspiring to me, and I think you know what they are, because I say them a lot. 

''If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one so I never have to live without you."

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart…I'll always be with you."

"Some people care too much. I think it's called love."

I love you so much, and I will miss you. But we will see each other soon. Please, live your life. For me.

Love, Dan

_I will Dan. I will. Oh and one more thing Dan, if you are listening._

_How lucky I am, to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.  
___


End file.
